T. S. Eliot at Lloyd’s

“I had never really relished the smithing of words.
Actually, I had always wanted to be a banker,
A splendid sorcerer of the great INCs, invoking
The power of the number. But at university
Strange spells put such dreams to sleep, gently.
And the dreadful truths of poem, play and essay
Lent addictive ease to wakefulness. And then,
The first years: exultation so bleak, so bizarre
With the fierce beauty of being so close to
The Substance! I still dread to be a maker.

Then Vivien came to me, with all the hardiness
Of an agreeable realism. I, exalted, became heat
Of a sunless, humid day and its small agonies -
And its sweat. That is when I joined Lloyd’s.
And reality flowed through me like a dream :
As fast as thoughts flee; as strange and lovely
As the random faces and spaces, persuading;
And as magical as a candlelit and disappointing
Night of Love with you, dear darling Viv -
Enchantress! All I wanted was a mild affair.

‘Lord, forgive me for feasting on the fruit of
The tree of knowledge of good and evil.
Lord, forgive me for feeding a courage
To fight my rightful share of little deaths.
Lord, forgive me for feeling frightened
Of walking in darkness, eyes calmly shut.
Lord, forgive me for loving another more
Than You. Break my bow, O Jehovah, say I,
King Nimrod, for the heart of things
Is too hard to bear! Amen, my Lord, Amen.’”

- 2003
- one of "Seven Exemplary Workshop Poems" in Edith L. Tiempo's "Six Poetry Formats and the Transforming Image: A Monograph on Free Verse," University of the Philippines, 2007.